Alan, Esq. (alanesq) wrote in poly_ny,
Alan, Esq.

To Swing or not to Swing

One of the best sex writers on the planet, Dan Savage, as a great letter/answer regarding a married couple who are squabbling about getting into the Swing lifestyle.
My husband of three years is really pressuring me to swing. He is always trying to get me to agree to join a local swingers' club. I made it clear to him before we got married that I would not swing. He made it clear to me that it was his greatest fantasy. I guess he thought I would magically change my mind. Dan, why can't he love me enough to be satisfied with only me? I don't want to have sex with anyone else. I just can't imagine sex without love! Do wedding vows mean nothing? Am I crazy like my husband insists? He won't see a therapist and I need help!
Monogamous One

You're both crazy, MO. Your husband told you before you married that swinging is his ultimate fantasy; you told your husband before you married that you won't swing. But you married each other anyway and now--surprise!--you're at each other's throats over this swinging issue. Neither of you saw that one coming? You both went into this marriage hoping the other would change and you were both wrong. It's for situations like yours, MO, that divorce lawyers coined the term "irreconcilable differences."
Ann Landers or Dr. Phil would, without doubt, take the side of the monogamous one and castigate the husband as evil and selfish for trying to impose his sick desires on her and the marriage. Savage accurately takes both of them to task for both being selfish in ignoring what each other's sexual differences before getting married.
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